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Like planned, I tackled day one of the art challenges, Mermay using the Pantone Prompt which was Aurora Pink and day one of my May Artist Blog. And like promised, I also started ‘exercising’, doing them side to side to keep me on track. Fortunately, I was also able to film this. So when you’re done reading, head on over to watch my video! Or if you’re coming from the video, I hope you enjoy a bit of the reiteration and the other stories I didn’t get to talk about in my video.
How it started.
Not unexpectedly at all, I started May feeling pumped and ready to tackle the art challenge. I was already waking up at a good time- which is any time before noon. I was also doing the stretches- yoga, and meditation together- I wrote down on my planner.
Because I haven’t really done physical activities for what I would roughly count as half a year (ever since winter hit, hibernation came along and now it’s spring- or mid-spring really), I didn’t think I could get myself to do the yoga properly. As a buffer, I told myself to do it in bed. Do some mindful exercises that focus on my breathing and as long as I stretched, I could count that as a success.
The lenient nature of the task helped.
Aside from the lack of floor space currently available in my room due to moving stuff around and not finishing organizing my shelves, the bed idea lent itself as the best solution.
This success could not be reflected with Mermay though.
I thought I would FAIL.
I had this nagging feeling that I would fail and that was toxic.
Let me backtrack. The day I started Mermay, May 1 with Aurora Pink, I was feeling so excited to finally get to draw the pieces I spent the prior month planning out. I have a Pinterest Board dedicated to just Mermay things I eventually want to draw. (Refer to the third image.)
I got about one-third of the color blocking before I succumbed to this really bad migraine I’d been battling that day and the days preceding.
Definitely, I was lacking sleep. I would go to bed around 2 am and wake up earlier than noon. My day was packed with spring cleaning and doing my morning stretches. I was basically working my body to the bone. Very very no-no! I was asking for all sorts of sickness by doing this. And sickness I did start to feel. My headache felt electric. I got quite forgetful. I was and still getting days mixed and mashed up. And though this is partly due to the quarantine, I know that it has gotten worse. My eyesight also got worse. I would blank out for a second or feel vertigo while sitting down.
It was bad.
So I took a break- sort of.
The plan was to take a break. I slept earlier that day because the headache was just that bad that even medicine couldn’t quell it even a little. That was the first time I’d slept at 10pm since half a year ago.
Back when I would exercise in the morning and do meditation, I was healthy and fit. Now, I’m a bit of a mess. And I remember being in this bad of a condition when I first started my self-healing journey.
I recall my hair being so grossly dry and frizzy. I remember having baffling heart palpitations or rickety joints. At a time when I was 23-year-old, I had the body of an unhealthy 70-year-old. Or something like that at least and I honestly do not miss that time. And I wish I had the discipline to get back to that but I can only ask to take it to step by step until I do get the structure I had six or seven months ago.
As I delayed drawing my first Mermay piece, I ended up tackling something I shouldn’t have.
Successful as it was, this unexpected endeavor, I should really have continued my rest. What did I do? I delved into coding.
My retrieval expedition for my lost posts of 2018-2019.
As you may already know, I decided to figure out how to get my lost posts from when my website crashed. In a less winded explanation, I have basically, for the last six months been studying for a way to get said posts. Prepped as I was all this time, I was putting off the expedition.
I wasn’t really looking to do it asap. It was more, ‘when I have the time’ which the break shouldn’t have been that time. I say this because the coding had me staring at my computer screen endlessly and sleeping at midnight from the hype of finally getting the posts back. It wasn’t conducive to the plan of resting to get better.
My eyes are still far from well-rested BUT I am happy to share that my posts are back. It was frustrating for the most part having to learn what MySQL was and what Database had to do with anything then learning that my dad had access to said Database. It was a convoluted journey of asking him if he has it and him saying that maybe he does but has no idea how to get to it and then me repeating the same question a month later. A long convoluted six months. But the roundabout was well worth it now that I have them.
If you’re interested- here are some notable posts that I have yet to fix up because I also lost the media that went along with it and can’t quite replace yet due to my broken external hard drive. Yeah, mid last year really punished me.
Regardless of the struggles, it’s such a blessing to have people I can rely on.
Bad segue to how this all connects with my mental health.
Recalling my past again, it was a difficult time back some five years ago when I didn’t have someone in my life I could share my feelings to whether it was about depression or just simply having a migraine. I was apprehensive about sharing my vulnerability. Thankfully, times have changed and I do have people I can rely on.
Whether the issue is with my emotional instability or my mental shortcomings or physical weaknesses, I have my support system that I’ve built through the years.
And that includes YOU.
You who have been with me through ‘Vela June’ and throughout the move to my new site. You who have listened to me whine and be childish and grow into the person I am today.
My cheerleaders in this constant struggle helped me push myself.
They helped me look after me. And I trusted myself to someone else. That’s something that I couldn’t have said years ago. I strained to understand this notion all my life and only recently have slowly given into it.
This enabled me to be okay where I am.
And after being away from Mermay for an entire week, I’m proud to say that Aurora Pink is finished and I am on my way to tackling the second prompt. (I probably won’t endeavor such delicate illustrations for all 16 prompts BUT maybe I will. It depends on how I feel and though I want to make pretty complicated pieces, I’m also okay with going simple. I just have to remind myself that whatever I choose is okay.)
Has been the greatest tool on my belt next to my support system. They’re probably pretty equal in importance to my mental health.
Forgiving, loving, and being thankful for myself just as much as I am for the people around me helps with moving forward regardless how many other things hold me back.
The result of having this arsenal means, progressing with practicing sleeping early, waking up early, spending time in the morning in thoughtful silence focusing on myself and for a day that isn’t ‘busy’ as it is ‘productive’.
In this day and age where we must constantly move to say we’ve done something, I am comfortable in my sometimes ‘at-still’ life albeit, I do have to constantly tell myself
It’s also available on Redbubble in different forms of merchandise like a print, dress, shirt, sweater and even a mask! If you’re looking to purchase masks, Redbubble is now making them. It also oddly looks great as a shower curtain.