Novel Thoughts | The Hows of Us | Relationships

person writing on a notebook beside macbook

This content has been archived. It may no longer be relevant

how do relationships work?

Before I get to answering the question, how do relationships work, I’ll start with how I arrived at it first.

I went to the movies with my mom where we watched a Filipino Film called The Hows of Us starring one of my favorite pairings Kathniel- Kathryn Bernard and Daniel Padilla. I’m personally a sucker for their movies and am always up to watching them. I honestly feel they always get good movies though not ever executed well enough to be “world” renowned or something like that.

I wanted to talk about this film because I have a friend going through relationship problems and her face kept popping up in my head as I watched this film.

So, I got to thinking, how do relationships work?

One of the lines at the end of the movie though delivered badly had a lot to say. It’s not verbatim but…

Love is not a war.

(Off-topic, tbh, look how amazing that Amsterdam scene is! I loved every bit of that sunset scene.)

Without revealing details or spoilers, I just wanted to wonder about the inner workings of a relationship, and open the discussion to that. I know I’ve written countless poems focusing on my point of view of how a relationship is. I’ve also talked about the influences in my life to lead me to my hopeless romantic but also an extremely negative point of view of relationships.

Returning to the film, love is not a war. Love has more to do with working and fighting through problems together. Keyword there is together.

As far as “role models” have been in my life, “together” has never been a thing. It’s been a series of individual trials and errors and never an us which is something I’ve just realized about the movie.

“The Hows of Us”. Us. Us as in together, the two of them. Pretty clever.

Even though it would be nice to go through falling in love and what not, I also wonder at times if I’ll be like my parents, unable to be emotionally there for another person. I already struggle with being there for myself, my close friends and families let alone for another being so separate from me. Does that make sense?

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so they say. Familial relationships…

Though it’s not something that I often wonder about or something that stops me from wanting to be in love, I do still wonder about it.

I had times when I feared sharing a part of myself to other people and the hurt it may cause for me. I was afraid of the time I’d be wasting away with the wrong person. As time progressed, so did I. Part of me now feel that the experience itself is never a waste of time. It’ll always be useful.

Love is a journey.

The journey is fruitful regardless of the ending and for a while now, that has been my main focus. I used to say, I was someone going on a journey to find myself. As I found myself, I started to say, “character gotten” where will my journey take me this time?

Sometimes, I’m completely focused on my work, trying to build that personal brand and getting some financial stability in my life. Other times, it’s about my heart, about falling in love and experiencing that side of life I’ve never really been a part of.

I’ve had loves. Unrequited mostly. One-sided in nature. One was different but not quite so. Another was a one-sided young love that ended on a weird note but a lasting friendship. I think I have one that may never quite find its ending mostly because I choose not to speak about it too often.

I’ve admitted to it but it’s still a big secret.

That said, I live by a quote.

“I wish, as well as everybody else, to be perfectly happy; but, like everybody else, it must be in my own way.”

― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

When I think about this quote, I use it for things that I’m unsure about. If I jump at something, will I fall? Or fly? And when I ask myself this question, it puts into perspective the idea that everything is 50/50. I have the chance to fall and break but I have an equal amount of chance to fly and be free or be happy. Thinking of obstacles and such things in this manner enables me to move forward and moving forward is the most important thing. If I fall and break, I can pick myself back up or have friends and families help me. If I fly and soar, then great! Either way, I continue the journey.

I know it’s no longer just about relationships but one of the things I loved about the movie as well is that they tackled everyday life. That’s something Filipino movies always have.

photo of white flowers near a bottle
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Realistically, life moves on.

Whether it’s happily or begrudgingly so, it keeps moving on.

All we can do is try our utmost best.

Relationships aren’t perfect. It’s part of life.

And grief is the price we pay for love. – The Hows of Us

(I really live by a collection of great quotes…)

Leave a Reply

error: Content is protected !!