Personal Updates

The Gap

I’ve been feeling pretty good for a while now. The lows didn’t get to me, but today, I feel it piercing through me like old times. The insecurities that egged the tears growing up and in my teens- especially in my early college years are here again. It’s causing my heart to beat twice faster. It’s heartbreaking with no actual proof. And it just really hurts to be in a place where you’re questioning your self worth to yourself, and to the people you care for. You think, do they care for you in the same way. Do they secretly hate you? Is there really something about you that is lovable? It’s all in the grey area during the lows even if those questions have had multiple confirmations already. And once I hit my lowest of lows, all those things would’ve left the grey area, plunging down on the blackened heart. And what can you do about depression that hits you like a tsunami. It ebbs and flows without your consent. There’s no way of reassuring yourself because it is yourself that you are helplessly battling. It’s all very tiring and confusing. It’s almost so tiring for me that quitting looking good at the moment.

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