The very first time I got my heart broken was in my senior year of high school.
It was really different from confessing back in my junior year because, in the end, I was the one who turned back from my words. During senior year, I finally confessed to this boy I met back in chem class, 10th grade. It was the bravest thing I’d ever done since being born.
A boy some months younger than me rejected me. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal until a few minutes later, an hour, a moment of criticism from my mother, and days after. I didn’t understand why I was crying so much. I thought I could brave seeing him, sharing a class and friends but that wasn’t the case. I pushed him away even though we said we’d be friends. I blamed him for my inability to accept a rejection.
I was a girl who’d just gone through an obstacle in life. Ding. Ding. 50 points in life! I leveled up after a month or so. Lol, I got over the rejection but I kept liking him secretly. A year after and the year after and so on until he got a girlfriend.
When I kept liking him even knowing how special the girl in his life is, I realized I hadn’t leveled up. I kind of stayed the same for those many years. It made me feel really bad for liking him still or thinking things like, “when will they break up”. I genuinely like his girlfriend and find her to be sweet and shy but also strong. I like her as a friend and as a person. So, I really hated the me who kept liking him and waiting for what ifs.
The first time I got my heart broken, I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to move on from the pain or the love. I haven’t liked anyone as much as I liked him.
Recently, I’ve come to think, it’d be nice to fall for someone again now that I was completely over all my old crushes. It’d be nice to have that one person to share all my nothings to. Not just my friends or family but that one special person. I suppose, now that I know how to love myself, I’m yearning to be loved by others. Hehe.
I was just thinking… It’d be nice.