When I was much younger than now (because I just aged another year as of today), I never thought I’d get so far as 22. I always found my early 20’s to become my problematic years. I was seriously depressed, still am, and definitely when I was in my teen years. I cut a lot, I had an eating disorder and was oh so unhealthy mentally, physically and emotionally. I was a troubled child, but to the eyes of many, I was a-okay. I cried a lot in private back then as well. I had pent up anger, anxieties, sadness and even happiness. Not only did I keep those feelings to myself for fear of what other people might say, I also did it out of pride. I never want to show how vulnerable I can get. I am a very independent person out of fear. Definitely. I mean, that has changed now but there’s still a part of me that believes in the inner strength and that if I persevere, I can do anything on my own. Anyway, the year before has taught me so many things and 22 is quite a private milestone for me, as will 24. If I reach the age of 24, I will be very proud of myself. I always believed that I would die at that age. Now, I see my life developing and I see the possibility of aging- growing old like my grandparents and my parents.
I think my seeing that is a testament. So, on my 25th Birthday, I will definitely reward myself at the milestones that I have surpassed. It’s a self-revelation that not many would probably understand but it’s something that I’ve been realizing more and more. I am so proud of myself and the growth that I have gone through. I’m going to continue loving myself more because it’s the right thing and I never ever wish to go back to my teen years. I may regret some things from back then but without that, I would never have the happiness that I have achieved now.
I’m hoping that friends, acquaintances, and families would celebrate with me on that day- when it arrives.
Footnote. It is good to understand that I had no understanding of my true mental illness at this point. Battling depression is not the way to go. You do not fight yourself and the lack of control you have of your emotions. Management and coping mechanisms are smarter and have longer longevity for a healthier life. – Roxanne, 2018