Personal Updates

sleepless not in seattle

… because I simply don’t live in Seattle. I’d just like to begin by saying, I’ve been grabbing photographs from tumblr for a while now… but more recently, I’ve been grabbing photographs… *falls to the ground and bows* I’m sorry for just taking someone else’s work without permission. Plus, my credits page isn’t even showing up. *sighs* Please don’t be like me. Credit the artist. tumblr_oicp95dabx1vznnnio1_500

Can I even use this gif? I don’t know…

I’ll be sure to be more supportive of other artists in the future. *bows again*

For the past week it’s been a lot of apologizing, more to myself than out loud. I’ve been in a state of blankness? Everything looks and feels dull. It’s been raining but I don’t feel motivated to do anything. I’m usually uplifted when it’s raining. It makes me feel like the world is supporting me, washing away yesterday as they say. That hasn’t been the case. I would like to appreciate the rain. I try to get up in the morning but I’m too tired to even open my eyes. I haven’t been sleeping well.

In my sleep, within the realm of dreams, I am completely awake. I’m too conscious of my dream. I sleep late, around 3 in the morning. I dream four complete dreams. I reach REM sleep. I wake up at 7 with four hours of sleep. Then I sleep again so I can wake up near noon. It’s unhealthy.

I have this urge to crawl in my closet to be enveloped by literal darkness. I just want to stay there and feel nothing.

I miss whatever normal I had before. It’s become frustrating not being able to sleep even though the weather is just to my liking.

And along with insomnia and hypersomnia, I’ve been dreaming of that faceless guy again. I’m starting to think my theory that I’m him is true. He started appearing when I started having troubles and disappeared once I started to get better. Now he’s back. Anyway, I’m just babbling…

I feel bad-gloomy for the first time on a rainy season.

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