Personal Updates

religion in my life

I don’t have a photo to captivate your eyes.

I only have words that need to said.

Lately, my parents have been forcing me and my siblings into a religious youth group gathering. We are anything but religious, the four of us. So without a thought, my initial answer is no. But as the days pass by, my sisters have succumbed to the hotel lodging, three-course meals and the promise of single guys. Yeah, they’re not saintly reasons but it did the job for mom. The objective of the gathering is to help those who don’t understand the religion (Catholicism) understand it and guide those who are lost. I would go but I wouldn’t either. I’m not a fan of large gatherings. It’s supposed to be a whole lot of “kids” in California, ages ranging from 10 or so to 30 years old. There will be confessions and a variety of activities for the “kids” to participate in. I’m not really much for ANY of the things that they’re planning to do, honestly. I hate mingling and faking it out with people. I’m not about to tag along and fake a smile when I’m always usually frowning. I do enough of fake smiling with my friends to show them I’m fine (so that they don’t get worried too much).

I’m not really sure what I want to say in this post; I guess I just needed to rant.

Now both my sisters and parents are ganging up on me to try to get me to tag along. My brother’s a lot of a rock when it comes to religion. One “No” and the subject is dropped. The most unreligious out of all of us. I go to church but when I’m there, I don’t listen. Sometimes my head’s in the clouds or I’m busy just praying for that whole hour for someone else’s well being.

I haven’t prayed for my own benefit for more than a year now.

My eldest sister (25) keeps throwing out the argument that, going to this program will benefit me, that it’ll help direct me to the right path. Goes to show, she knows nothing about how my life is now and what I really need.

My friends keep me anchored.

I’ve been cut free for two months, maybe even more. I just wish they’d realize without me having to keep repeating: I WANT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS… both the right and the wrong but no one ever listens and I’ll always be that problem child who had to go through two days of therapy before it became too expensive, two whole years of failed college, $4,000 of financial aid down the drain and two spring terms cooped up in her room. It’s times when my sisters look down on me when I want to pick up that razor and trace those fading scars. It’s when my parents think I won’t ever amount to anything that I wish I still owned a razor.

My friends keep me anchored. They know me, sometimes better than I know myself.

Religion is supposed to bring families together, right? But every time that topic comes up, my family drifts further and further apart.

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