Poem 53

the dreams you strive to make real is no where to be found in this dessert full of nothings, and I’m not telling you this to make light of the matter, the matter in which you’ve lost while you waited because I’ve been there and done that. I have given my years to days of financial security for you and your siblings and your goddamn father and his family, people I’ve forsaken through the years that I have given. There never goes a day in which I run the memories through my head blaming you and your siblings and your father, your goddamn father for the years that I’ve been forced to give. They were taken from me! Me, who’s done it all kneeled and begged for forgiveness, set aside my own pride for yours. I blame you in my head but I love you nonetheless with deepest sincerity from the bottom of my heart, I love you. You are the child I bore alone, the child I raised with others, the spitting image of that old man of yours. Me and you. You who gave up too many times to count because of the nonsense of following your dreams instead of giving and thanking me for all the years I’ve given. I didn’t labor over you, over your siblings over your goddamn father just so I can keep laboring without an end to this misery that I keep in my mind. I gave up too much and you’ve given me nothing. The dreams you strive to make real, they better be worth the pain and aches because these words, I’ll┬ánever say them aloud for I love you, more than I ever loved my dreams.   c. 2014

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