there in the back of my head, a sting, a stabbing pain. the doctors tell me, i live in a world where pain is too constant. i’ve patched myself up too many times. i Drown with predators.
i took a breath, so long, the world paused With my heart. it strained my existence. i haven’t lived. my friends tell me to explore the vast out there. and i plan. and plan. never daring to take a step.
i stumbled to get on my feet. on my Own. believed that good begets good even when nothing is done. i pity myself. please pity me too. hold me closer. love me as i Fail to do so for myself.
i shut my eyes, from the people who forced me to Restart. what the Fuck is life. i asked myself a million times. the beating of two hearts. the voices of those surrounding me. trust me, it’s a Scavenger hunt.
i took a breath. plenty. it caused a Shiver down my spine. i was almost deceived into thinking, There is life here. frozen. i paint Still life across my room. i bury me in white.
i stumbled to hold my tears back from Water-falling.
– dearphil.anne 2018
I think this poem looks great in a typewriter font. Just a thought.
I’ve been wondering how to actually get my chapbook published. It’s been sort of strange researching about it. I’ve yet to actually go through with it. I feel that I don’t have enough audience for it? to actually sell at least. And also, I’m sort of not as excited by the poems as I used to be. I want to make more poems like the one I just wrote. It’s a bit more revealing and it’s how my writing is now- probably since I dropped out of college.
It’s strange saying that last part even after these two years.
Recently, I’ve been consumed with anxiety. Hit that like if you go through this too. As for the journey of combining my writing with my art, it’s in the works. I look forward to the plans I’ve come up with.
Gone is the upset feeling I had all day yesterday. Well, sort of. It comes and goes.
I feel dissatisfied.
On one hand, I’m also looking forward to finishing editing my novel Listening to Georgiana. That is something I am satisfied with.
Life is a series of ups and downs.
This poem is about my anxieties and how I imagine it manifests within me.