A long time ago, my art was viewed as a hobby that I had to immediately get over with.
When I was growing up, my sister used to draw a lot and she was a great inspiration to me.
I viewed her art as one of the most beautiful. She was one of the few who inspired me when I was young. Naturally, I hoped that she would pursue an artist’s career, whatever direction that might have taken her. (F1) When I was much much younger, I had an uncle who introduced me to the beauty of drawing. He loved what he did and I loved him for showing me what I have come to love so much. (F2)
Neither went far with their passion.
And maybe it wasn’t their passion but I believed deep in my heart that art was a part of them. It flows in their veins and they can’t just put that aside. My family has never been really gung-ho with my love to draw and I think, the person that I am made it even harder. I’m naturally submissive to my parents because I feel that I owe a lot to them regardless of how I think that they haven’t played a big positive role in my life. My parents are still my parents and my wants weren’t made precedent over that.
It broke my heart every time I thought about it… thought about how I couldn’t do what I wanted.
And every time I was told I couldn’t do something, I harbored an unreasonable hate for my brother who was supported by my parents 100%. I don’t have that hate anymore because my brother is going through similar things on his own and as an older sister, I want to be able to stand by his decision. I mean, our parents… well, most parents want to live their dreams through their children. When I failed in my first two years of college, I decided to finally pursue the school I’ve been recommended in. The Art Institute. A lot of disapproval came from my dad. There’s no money in art was what he said to me, coming into college in 2010. When AI introduced Game Art and Design to him two years later, suddenly art was his saviour. I was his “money-making-child” that he was going to invest in but doesn’t really. My mom has changed a lot and it’s easier to talk to her now and she’s starting to get me. I have a big motivation to go to college and to get a good job. I always have and I guess, I just needed someone to approve of me. In the end, the approval came from one of my sisters. Now after a year in AI, my dad can’t stop talking about what I could do with the art I’ve learned. I could make money online. I could sell my art. I should help him in his own endeavors that I so dislike. My dad has always been selfish and it just hurts that I’ll never really get him and he will never understand me.
Sometimes, my art is precious because he wants to use it but when I start refusing, it’s like me going to school is pointless.
My art was never meant to make money. I made art for expression. I made art to get others to feel something, anything. I wanted to save people with my art… I don’t think my father and I will ever get along. (F3)