…certain traditions, rituals or ‘the usual’ change. In life, that’s to be expected but I’ve never been one for obvious change. I’m not very good at adapting. Some people may say, ‘no, you can do it when you put your mind to it’ but there have been many changes in my life, though I live with those changes, I am unable to accept.
i don’t like changes.
I’m truly unable to accept changes whether they are good or not. Changes to me is a lot to deal with. It’s another aspect to add to the daily struggles of living the day to day. When a person can’t even be normal, adding change to the equation complicates things. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels it. My brother, who is able to set aside friends for solitude and can expect them to be there when he’s ready to come out of his shell again, constantly impresses me. I on the other am always in my shell and expect my friends to never be there. I want to trust people. I think, even though I’ve always said I trust easily, it’s really more that I want to trust easily. Regardless of my heart’s desires, I suspect people to be liars, conniving, cunning, and ultimately untrustworthy. Why? Because my parents. Time and time again, they have been drilling into my head how people can be fickle. As I grew older, I felt the truth in that statement more. People really do lie. I lie. People are conniving. I am. They are cunning. I can be. And ultimately, even I can’t trust myself. What is friendship? What is love?