After watching the above video, I got to thinking about how I was like growing up. What type of person and artist was I?
I was probably the friend who bullied a Suzy.
I grew up thinking that I was great at art and I was especially exceptional in comparison to others. I’ve obviously learned otherwise. Not only did I learn the hard way or didn’t improve because of similar reasons to this video but I became a better person. I realized how I’m really not all the bee’s knees.
I’d just like to point out, I was not the friend mentioned in the video. I don’t know Lemia Crescent personally. My only thought is to make this blog post. I felt like in some way I was that sort of friend. Thinking about it, I felt quite disappointed in past me. Lol
Setting aside how I grew up and what lies were being filled into my head, I was the kind of child surrounded by toxic personalities.
In Georgiana, I talk about this poisonous environment I surrounded myself in but that was teenager me. What I recall now is somewhere around the time I was nine or ten. I was in grade school and around a year or two of living in States (because I moved when I was 8 from the Philippines).
Everybody thought I was quite talented and no one seemed to hold a candle to my innate skills. As a child, I thought, wow, I’m so wonderful. So wonderful became so great, so creative, and overall the best creation of God… well, not to that extreme but my ego did swell.
Around the time I was nine or ten, a newly immigrated Filipino girl (ie not me but sounds like me) enrolled in the same school. She was talented and she was smart. As you know, I had issues with others being smarter than me because of how I grew up. So, right off the bat, I didn’t like her.
I didn’t treat her well and when I did, it was to save face. I was the goody-two-shoes type of girl. And I wasn’t going to break that image even though I was extremely jealous.
Thinking about it now, I bred a lot of negativity between my set of friends and hers. Behind each others’ backs, we talked about each other. And before you ask, how do you know she talked bad about you, I only found out later on in high school that that was the case. I wasn’t liked.
To be honest, I wouldn’t have liked me either.
Slightly snobby and a lot like a maldita (which means a real pain in the butt lol to put it nicely), I wasn’t the best person I could be. I wish now that I had just befriended her and shared our interests with each other. Maybe at some point, we did talk but all I could remember is this younger version of me hating on her.
I guess, overall, this was another one of my reflections and goes to show how proud I am of me for the growth I’ve achieved in the last two years. I’m sure that if I had looked back at this before my healing journey, I wouldn’t have thought much about it. I hope she’s doing well and that she’s still drawing if not professionally then as a hobby. If memory serves me right, she was one heck of an artist.